Showing posts with label If This Isn't Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label If This Isn't Love. Show all posts

If This Isn't Love

Shuangmu Jiongjiong 双目囧囧

Then tell me, what is love? 

You told me you'd love me forever.
Love? Yes, I know that. But how long is forever?

One day, she suddenly found herself in trouble: She was incapable of loving someone.

This is probably a disposition flaw, right? She has analyzed this issue very rationally. She was born in a well-off society. Her parents are harmonious, and her family is blessed. All in all, her life can be described as smooth sailing. There was nothing to complain about her education, work, appearance, or even her interpersonal network. But at 28, she hasn't fallen in love, not even once.

She hadn't experienced falling in love when she was a student. It can be said that her emotions were suppressed by the Country's Educational System. When she first stepped into society and still has not fallen in love, it can be said that her passion was obliterated by the fierce competition of society.

Now, the problem of "leftover men and leftover women" has become a social concern. But in this era where blind date shows became the guarantee of audience ratings, a 28-year-old single woman was not a rarity. And, apart from the occasional nagging of her elders, her life has been quite the ordinary.

But she knew that in her 28 years, she hasn't had any distinctive feelings for either man or woman: No first love and pounding of the heart. No strong affection due to love at first sight. She hasn't been touched emotionally by long-lasting love... Nothing!

When she realized this problem, she was distressed for a week because this shortcoming might represent some kind of flaw. But then she was relieved: Some people naturally hated confined spaces. Some people's hands and feet are uncoordinated when running. Some people can't stand the taste of seafood all their lives. Compared to these people, her shortcoming is not a problem, right? Probably...not.

In fact, in the past, she had no shortage of suitors. After all, she is good-looking, has a pretty good IQ, very capable, and has a good character. It's a pity that these pursuits either ended without any particular reason or ended up by her euphemistic refusal. Because she understands that even if there is no equal value in the world of love, a person pursuing someone would still hope their affection to be reciprocated. And she... doesn't know how to do it. Still, she was grateful to those who liked her, so she willingly stopped them from the start.

Bad things can become good things, and good things can become bad things. At 28, this shortcoming made her the Special Assistant to the General Manager of the company. For this good luck in her career, she has always attributed it to her ability. But she hasn't realized this until a long time later. Perhaps it was because, in her 6 years of working in the company, she had never ever initiated a conversation with the general manager unless it's a work-related matter.

The General Manager is young and promising with a strong background. But she dare not say that he is so handsome that it can alarm the Party Central Committee. At any rate, he is elegant and upright with several points combined. And with the "single" sign on his household registration, he can almost become the standard template for a male lead in romance novels. Today, when a good man is to be married without being gay, women who fight for them with open and secret means is quite the norm.

In good conscience, she really admires this man. And it is just pure admiration since she cannot cultivate deeper feelings that are more profound than appreciation. So, while she worked beside him, she witnessed most of his romantic affairs and the ups and downs of his relationships. Although she couldn't relate to it, those melodramatic gossips are worth reflecting on.

When the 28-year-old woman got off work one day, the General Manager suddenly asked her: "Would you like to marry me?"


She was dumbfounded and thought that this question had gone through at least two disappointments: One was from the woman he loved, and the other was from the woman who loved him. It was so tragic that it was impossible to elaborate. But all in all, humans are self-interested animals. After five seconds of careful consideration, she conceded that he was indeed a suitable marriage partner. And she, at 28, is indeed at a marriageable age. And most importantly, the general manager does not love her, nor demand for her love. Wonderful!

She smiled and nodded: "Okay."


So, she became the General Manager's wife and was promoted as their company's Deputy General Manager. Women expressed crazy fits of rage and jealousy, and so did men. Everyone says she was a cunning one and knew how to get the moon near the water tower.

[T/N: Get the moon first near the water tower - Idiom interpretation Explanation: A metaphor for getting some benefits or convenience first because of being close to some people or things.]

After hearing this gossip, she thought: It's true that the tower near the water could see the moon first, but the schemer was too ashamed and cannot afford the claim. If there's something remarkable about her, it would be RP and nothing more. When he needed a useful woman who didn't love him, she was right beside him. 

[T/N: RP was what exactly written in raw - the RP in the above phrase can be "luck" or "personality" see Glossary for more info]

On their wedding day, he drank a lot, and when he was finally carried back to the room, he was already unconscious. She had never longed for the bridal room and ornamented candles, nor did she take it seriously. Seeing his appearance, she helped him undress, except for his shoes and socks. She squeezed a hot towel and cleaned his whole body carefully. When she wiped his face, he suddenly opened his eyes and looked straight at her. He said one thing and went back to sleep.

He said: "Thank you for marrying me willingly."


She froze for a moment, then realized his obvious guilt. She looked at his sleeping face and smiled softly: "Thank you for asking me to marry you."

Life afterward was dull and tight. Nothing more than chai rice, oil, salt, sauce, and vinegar tea. She worked with him for many years, so they already had a tacit understanding. They lived peacefully like any ordinary married couple in the world. If there is any difference,  it is probably the obliterated passion of most married couples because of life. But for them, who weren't passionate enough, were not worn out.

After having a child, they had also disputed over their child's education, future, and marriage. But the longer the time, the more she discovers that both their perspectives are increasingly getting similar, and she's getting to understand him more and more. And finally, she would know his thoughts with just one look. By the time they're old, their grandchildren make fun of them: "Grandpa, Grandma, why do you always vent from one nostril?"

[T/N: Vent from one nostril - The interpretation of a nostril is a metaphor for the position, viewpoint, and proposition that is completely consistent with others.]

At work, she was still his partner, his right arm. She was much better at her job than she was in love. The market is steadily changing, and the trend is unpredictable. Both of them have experienced the height of their careers. They had also suffered the failures caused by the burst of the economic bubble. Twenty years after marriage, their career reached its lowest point: The company is on the verge of bankruptcy and is plagued by lawsuits.

He told her: "Let's get a divorce."


The so-called divorce probably meant to draw a line between them and get rid of debts and lawsuits. She knew that this was his goodwill, but she was offended. She didn't expect him to admit defeat here.

It was the only time in her life that she slapped the table on him: "Divorce?! Don't think about it! If you want to leave, you have to wait until you have money."


He was stunned but smiled after a while: "Okay, you can think about it when I make a comeback."


Later, he did get out of the trough, but they never talked about divorce again.


There was someone whom he loves so dearly but cannot obtain, she always knew. She even knew the woman's first name and last name and where she worked. But she never told anyone about it, nor did she want to meet her. After all, their romance had nothing to do with her. In fact, she was vaguely envious of him because even if he could not get that woman, he had at least loved her, while she never even had a chance to love.

When he was 60 years old, he had a tumor, and she had the opportunity to get close to the woman he loved so much. That woman's husband, who was authoritative on tumor medical treatment in China, naturally became his attending physician. When he was in the hospital, the woman got the news and came to visit. She was a cheerful, kind, and enthusiastic woman. 

She and the woman are like most old ladies in their 50s and 60s, chatting about family and past events while caring for patients. That's when she collectively pieced some details of his love story: That woman was already married when he fell in love with her. He had never confessed to the woman. He still maintained a good relationship with that woman after he got married...

She was somewhat surprised and somewhat sad for him because she could hear the woman's deep feelings for her doctor husband from her words. She knew that in other people's love stories, he was just also a supporting character.

She suddenly understood why he proposed to her back then: He loved a woman, but he was too kind to hurt the other woman who loved him. So he looked for a woman who didn't love him. Both of them are indeed alike.


After that, life continued. He let their son take over the job, and she also left the company with him to take care of her grandson at home. She suffered from rheumatism and was unstable in walking. She often needed him to support her. Over time, they used to help each other while walking. Outsiders regard them as specimens that grow old together. And in the eyes of children and grandchildren, they are models of love for a lifetime. In fact, she knew that there was not much love in it. Sometimes, maybe it was a habit, but she felt the peace and warmth in her heart when he held her.


After many years, he was finally leaving. At that time, she had long been unable to stand due to severe rheumatism. In front of his sickbed, his skinny hand held her tightly. He looked at her deeply with those already muddy eyes and said: "Thank you for spending this life with me..."

She stretched out her other hand and wrapped him tightly: "Thank you for walking this whole journey with me..."


At that moment, she suddenly realized that, in fact, she had been in love and loved this man all her life. Every little bit of this love is too subtle. She was not able to sense it until time had merged with the endless ocean. 

You told me you'd love me forever. Forever? I know this thing, I take my life as its deadline. But what exactly is love? I think that's how I felt about you at the end of my life.

      🌸           🌸          🌸         🌸          🌸                   

 As I was looking for something to read, I came across this short story, “If This Isn’t Love.” Maybe because I can relate to it that I was moved and got inspired to translate this. The author says this is just a part of the long story she's gonna write. Been years, so I did try to look for the whole novel, but I can't find it. Anyways, thanks for dropping by. Lots of love. 💗- Missy Hobbyist

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If This Isn't Love Glossary


If This Isn't Love Glossary

Get the moon first near the water tower (近水楼台先得月Near the water floor first get the moon is a Chinese idiom, meaning that the waterside platform first get the moonlight, metaphor because of proximity to certain people or things and get some kind of benefit or convenience first. From Song Yuwen Leopard "Clear Night Record": "Fan Wenzheng Town Qiantang, military officers are recommended, solo inspection Su Lin did not see the record, is a poem cloud: 'near the water floor first moon, xiangyanghua wood easy spring."

[T/N: Idiom interpretation Explanation: A metaphor for getting some benefits or convenience first because of being close to some people or things.]

RP  was what exactly written in raw - RP is an internet buzzword. Originally derived from the "character" of the alphabet the first letter mother Jane write, fight fight RP is the character (that is, spell luck) mean.

Because the word "RP" is spread on the Internet, the more it is used, the more it is used, and the people who use it to follow the trend are not sure what it means, so the following more confused understandings appeared:

1.        I thought that RP means "spoof", which means that the things done are very helpless and dumbfounding. Such as "You are too RP". In fact, there is no basis for this statement. The two letters RP cannot be linked to a spoof anyway, whether from the spoofed pinyin abbreviation or the spoofed Japanese Roman pronunciation KUSO. The people who use it and those who see it understand it by feeling and experience.

2.       RP refers to a short circuit, which further extends to the situation of dropped calls in the game, card machine, etc., and then refers to "unlucky". For example: "I am a real RP." This is also a common misinterpretation of RP. However, its origin can be derived from the original meaning of "luck".

3.       Use RP as the abbreviation of "hot spray"... almost no one wants to.

4.       Use RP as a "red envelope", something some forums do. Or as a unit of measurement for the experience value or the number of posts or other indicators in the forum.

5.       Although the above is a misinterpretation, the chaotic nature of network transmission has led to them being accepted by most people as a normal epidemic. However, neither the recipient nor the disseminator may know the reason.

6.       Use RP as the abbreviation of "Personality".


Extended information:

Character explosion

It is suspected to be from the era of the Red Revolution.

It means "problems with character", which is mostly used to explain some people's bad phenomena, negative attributes, etc. It is extended to explain and describe all negative things and affairs, without specific concrete meaning, sometimes only as a tone Use of words and interjections. In addition, there are multiple usages such as predicative, attributive, and causative.

Nowadays, the pinyin abbreviation "RP" is more commonly used. It started to be used more on the Internet, and then gradually extended to daily life outside the Internet, becoming a popular vocabulary.

Many people use it to ridicule: the negative effects caused by the inherent essential characteristics of things that cannot be reasonably explained by scientific theoretical knowledge are collectively referred to as "personality problems."





Bridal room and ornamented candles, (洞房花) The bridal anthurium is a Chinese idiom, pinyin is dòng fáng huā zhú, which means to describe the scene of marriage, and now refers to newly married. 

[idiom explanation Describe the scene of a marriage.]


Chai rice, oil, salt, sauce, and vinegar tea (柴米油盐酱醋茶) is a necessity in ordinary families . These are the seven things necessary for ordinary people's daily life, and it is also the seven things that ordinary people do for life every day, commonly known as the seven things to open the door . The arrangement and content of the seven things to open the door are very particular, all related to China's long-standing food culture.

Today, the meaning of the seven things to open the door is different from that of ancient times. In addition to generally referring to the necessities of ordinary people's families, it also refers to the things' related to the vital interests of the people.


Vent from one nostril - The interpretation of a nostril is a metaphor for the position, viewpoint, and proposition that is completely consistent with others.

Comeback (东山再起- Resurrection, the Chinese idiom, pinyin is dōng shān zài qǐ, which means to take up important positions again. It is also a metaphor of gaining power again after losing power. From the "Book of Jin Xie An Biography". 

[Synonyms] regroup, make a comeback, resurgence

[Antonyms] Fresh and unreliable, never return, passing by

Usage: Partially formal; as a predicate and attributive; refers to gaining power again.

Old age together (头偕老) a Chinese idiom, pinyin is bái tóu xié lǎo, which means that husbands and wives are in harmony and live together until old age. Also referred to as "white head to old", "white head grows old together". From "The Book of Songs · Weifeng · Mang".

[Synonyms]: white head to old, white heads stay together 
[Antonyms]: parting ways
Usage: Used as a predicate, object, attributive; used as a blessing 

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